There's a reason I'm alive.

"Oh whoa, I thought you were someone else."
-stacey

I've got to figure out why I'm alive and who the hell is making sure it stays that way because I have been faced with too many deadly situations and have somehow managed to lived through them.

How? I asked myself this today a countless amount of times and the only conclusion I can come up with is my not actual, but what I would call the brother I always wanted, Colin.

I'm not going to look at the terrible story of why he's not with us today, but I will just let you all know he was the most amazing person in my life, the brother I always wanted and he must now be doing everything in his power to make sure I'm okay.  Probably the most difficult job, but he's doing a pretty good job.  Queer? yes.  But I absolutely love him, and unfortunately it's the days like today that make me think of him more than ever.  

My closest friends and family, you would have loved him.  But for now you can just love me, because thankfully for him, I'm still here. 

don't drink and drive.